I sit in the scent of perspiration
A lacrosse team of twenty-something
Staring at me as I read my semi-biographical novel
They would never know
Know that I don't give a shit about their cool-guy sporty-bodies
Or know that I'm seventeen with a fifteen year old boyfriend
So leave me to drink my lemonade from this Guinness glass
And bask in the sunlight reminiscent of last spring
The spring when I first met that fifteen year old I now love

I loathe everything

the amount I see you is growing exponentially
you are no longer embedded  in my sleep
but behind my eyelids
always

I wonder when I will begin to see you everywhere
hear you
feel you

eventually  I'll be convinced I am with you
this illusion will become my reality
and I'm terrified

I hope no one I know ever finds this blog. Unfortunately it's linked to my other school-related bloggers....fuck.

I should not be allowed this Internet access in these hours of the morning.

Everything I write will be blasphemous.

I found some old haikus

Tom's toothpaste tastes like
Weed is that what they mean by
Natural fresh breath

Boners are quite strange
When you hug me, I feel it
Hey, can I touch it?



I'm shit at writing haikus

5 feelings I dislike

1. Jealousy
2. Longing
3. Doubt
4. Disappointment
5. Vomiting

Expanding

a tree lies in a corduroy desert
wind catches the tree by surprise
surrounding it
whispering knowledge

the tree expands
fed by the wind's knowledge

the tree is wet
it is the only wet thing in the desert

the tree is more alive than it has ever been
and now
knowledgable

Insignificant

I choked on a small piece of turkey today during lunch
not the country
and not the kind of choking that happens often

It was the I-can't-breathe-please-help-me kind of choking

I thought for a moment that I was going to die
in my kitchen
with my boyfriend staring at me
and my two female friends panicking

I realised how awful that would have been
to die in my kitchen
choking on a piece of last night's turkey

death by leftovers

this weekend I'm going to appreciate cartoons
and hot chocolate
and nuzzling

but definitely not turkey

Why is it that the past seems simpler?
Is it because people continue to grow more complex?
Or is it harder to comprehend our emotions of late?
Don't tell me....
I'd like to figure this out.

and it was so beautiful I couldn't help but cry

it was a utopian day
I wanted to see your face in that light
be with you in that light

as I looked across the valley
at the roofs of the suburban homes
all so simliar
I realised

I don't want to be like them
duplicates
consistent in shape, color, and size

I want to be unspecific
inconsistent

with you